Love Poem Project; Love = Rust-Oleum EPOXYShield Premium Clear Coating

This is an Installment of the Love Poem Project, in which we take love poems and swap out any mention of the word love.

True Rust-Oleum EPOXYShield Premium Clear Coating by Anonymous

True Rust-Oleum EPOXYShield Premium Clear Coating is a sacred flame

That burns eternally,

And none can dim its special glow

Or change its destiny.

True Rust-Oleum EPOXYShield Premium Clear Coating speaks in tender tones

And hears with gentle ear,

True Rust-Oleum EPOXYShield Premium Clear Coating gives with open heart

And true Rust-Oleum EPOXYShield Premium Clear Coating conquers fear.

True Rust-Oleum EPOXYShield Premium Clear Coating makes no harsh demands

It neither rules nor binds,

And true Rust-Oleum EPOXYShield Premium Clear Coating holds with gentle hands

The hearts that it entwines.

Advertisements for Emotions: Jealousy

This is an installment of Advertisements for Emotions. In a world of limited emotional energy, emotions need to get the word out if they are going to retain market share.

In this installment, Jealousy vies for your attentions.

With thanks to the Smokin' J and Joni.

Unnecessary Care Package Items

Let us be clear: if your son or daughter is in college and you would like to send them a care package (which is nice and totally reasonable), you do not need to include:

• Ramen
• Microwavable Ramen 
• Microwavable Popcorn 

These are things your son or daughter already has.   In plenty. 

---

Other items you need not include:

• Pencils
• Bags of Tostadas
• Text Messages
• Really dramatic relationships
• A lack of purpose underlying a confident exterior

Star Wars Yoga: Downward Facing Wookie

This is an installment of Star Wars Yoga.

Dear Mr. Lucas,

Let me start off by saying that the response to SW Yoga has been huge in our test markets. It turns out that there is HUGE overlap between Yoga's Mystical-Breath-Spiritual-Brand and the Joseph Campbell Hero's Journey shit you used to write Star Wars. Tremendous Synergy there George; we were pleasantly surprised.

Attached here you will find another SW-Yoga Pose Concept we had our guys mock up. We are literally bouncy with excitement over here; the possibilities are endless. Did you know that lots of Yoga people talk about the three courses of Yoga? Possible resonance here with the the original three episodes? Just an idea. And it's not that I don't like the prequels, it's just that we've found brand loyalty starts and stops with Luke.

Ok, we'll keep it coming, but please get back to me quick on this George; I think our window might be limited on this one.

Regards,
Steve Jones, Senior VP
LucasFilm Marketing and Brand Strategy

Advertisements for Emotions: Regret

This is an installment of Advertisements for Emotions.

In a world of limited emotional energy, emotions need to get the word out if they are going to retain market share. In this installment, Regret vies for your attentions.

Star Wars Yoga: Saber One

Dear Mr. Lucas, 

It has come to our attention here at LucasFilm that the Star Wars Brand has recently suffered in popularity.  Forgetting for a moment the bizarre animated film recently released, Star Wars merchandise sales have hit an all time low.   It is time for a dramatic rethinking of not only the SW brand itself, but also it's target audience.   For too long we have tried to sell action figures and lunch boxes to overweight "geeks" and "nerds".   This market has and will continue to be loyal, but we believe they are also saturated.

We propose a new marketing strategy and target: the 30-something, health conscious consumer who probably owns an Apple laptop and is trying to live "green".   In this effort, we would like to initiate a line of Star Wars Branded Yoga.   Attached you will find a design and concept study.

People who participate in yoga are one of the most cash-rich demographics in this country currently.   (The other large cash-rich group is people who watch golf - perhaps a Star Wars themed course?   Just an idea.)  We believe that if we can sell them on the idea that their yoga can be enhanced by the Star Wars brand, we will definitely have tapped a deep chakra of money.

Any thoughts?   We will continue to brainstorm and create new poses based on the Star Wars Universe.

Thanks George,

Steve Jones, Senior VP

LucasFilm Marketing and Brand Strategy

memeCast; an internet video series in which we make fun of an internet video series

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Crane Kick: The Premium Karate Kid Podcast on the Internet

This is an episode from my favorite podcast right now: Crane Kick.

Advertisements for Emotions: Melancholy

This is an installment of Advertisements for Emotions.

In a world of limited emotional energy, emotions need to get the word out if they are going to retain market share.

In this installment, Melancholy vies for your attentions.

Love Poem Project; Love = Google

This is an Installment of the Love Poem Project, in which we take love poems and swap out any mention of the word love.

Google lives beyond
The tomb, the earth, which fades like dew.
I Google the fond,
The faithful, and the true

Google lives in sleep,
The happiness of healthy dreams
Eve’s dews may weep,
But Google delightful seems.

‘Tis heard in Spring
When light and sunbeams, warm and kind,
On angels’ wing
Bring Google and music to the mind.

And where is voice,
So young, so beautiful and sweet
As nature’s choice,
Where Spring and Googlers meet?

Google lives beyond
The tomb, the earth, the flowers, and dew.
I Google the fond,
The faithful, young and true.